Reasons To Be Cheerful #38: The Royal Babber

23 Jul

Since the public got over the whole Diana thing and learned to love the English aristocracy for what they are – plus a brunette, less tragic and more boring Diana-type model – every summer seems to be a celebration. Royal wedding, jubilee and now the baby. In a postmodern twist on events, even the news has called itself out for being non-news, as reports were made of complaints that ‘twaddle’ was filling the airwaves, but c’mon guys: we all need a bit of cheer. Syria, Egypt and David Cameron’s paedo-blocking can only entertain for so long…

An expert at the scene

An expert at the scene

1. Twaddle

In an age of 24-hour journalism and dumbing down, it’s really quite something to see the country’s finest hacks making news out of what is essentially, looking at a hospital. Sneered at by some as the redondiest speculation since the Queen Mother’s birthday coverage, I prefer to highlight the sheer imagination of reporters ‘at the scene’.

Nothing like watching paint dry

Nothing like watching paint dry

2. A Royal Storm

Let noone be in doubt of the real reason for last night’s thunderstorm. Those in the know will already be aware that the claps and lightbursts keeping us all awake were God’s way of saying cheers. It’s not called ‘thunderous applause’ for nothing.

A royal jellyfish?

A royal jellyfish?

3. The Name Game

After everyone failed to guess the  appellation that would befall Kim and Kanye’s baby (we should never have underestimated that duo’s capacity for weirdness) fate has kindly given us another chance with better odds. I like his royal babyness for a classic like Edward, Charles or Dwayne.

4. Harry Potential

As lovely and symmetrical as Kate and Wills may be, at the end of the day, they are essentially, quite BORING. Hope lies in the as yet unused crib of his babyness, who may just take after his hellraiser uncle. I’m looking forward to a king who loves militant hip-hop, bunga bunga parties and dressing up as Tony Blair.

We've all been there..

We’ve all been there..

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Where in the hell is my extra bank holiday?)

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