Reasons To Be Cheerful #40: The End of The Returned

30 Jul

For eight weeks now I have crawled into bed every Sunday night with a vague sense of foreboding, not much helped by: a) thunderstorms, b) howling cats or c) scrapping crackheads. It’s been worth it though, because all along I knew that questions would be answered, evil undead returned to the grave and creepy Pierre put firmly out of the picture. Oh how wrong I was…

1. No Polar Bears

Online message boards are full of The Returned has turned into a French version of Lost bemoaners and while I get this, I do not agree. There were no random polar bears here. And no Evangeline Lilly, or annoying smuggo doctor from Party of Five. But, more importantly there have only been eight episodes so far. Lost had six series with approximately 110 episodes each to fuck up what started out as a winner. I’m hoping that what we have here is not a case of making it up as you go along, but more like we’ll tell you in our own sweet time because we’re too busy moodily smoking a cigarette in the manner of Mrs. Costa.

"Just fuck off"

“Just fuck off”

2. Twins Reunited

Though brief, the touching moments between formerly estranged twins, Lena and Camille were worth the wait. When Lena attempted to conceal the rotting flesh on Camille’s face using foundation I just thought awwww. Sad then that the Others saw fit to snatch the flame-haired little vixen back. C’est la mort eh.

Some classic sister bonding

Some classic sister bonding

3. We Got Chloe Back

This episode we swapped one creepy child for another. As Victor bid adieu to… well, noone – only Julie liked him – Chloe was brought back to the living by Tomas. Chloe’s been a bit of an uncertainty for me for a few episodes, but I’ve come to the conclusion that her creepiness is due to superior skills of deduction combined with a talent for depicting death through the medium of crayon. Either way she warned Adele that ‘they’ are after her unborn baby, which is just as well because not only did Tomas not deign to impart this important nugget, but he was also nowhere to be seen after a night of defending the Helping Hand against zombies.

Victor's handiwork.

Victor’s handiwork. Bearing striking similarities to Chloe’s

4. Victor IS Evil 

It’s been quite a roller coaster ride with young Victor. From evil to misunderstood to cute and then all the way back again. But with his second successful attempt at inducing suicide, I am finally convinced that impression number one was correct. We all know that the molested become molesters etc, but really there is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. That boy needs therapy.

How could we have doubted?

How could we have doubted?

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Somehow, Pierre is still alive. I was waiting for someone to take a chunk out of him)

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2 Responses to “Reasons To Be Cheerful #40: The End of The Returned”

  1. Lex. July 31, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

    Excellent post. I am missing Les Revenants so much that I may even start reading some fan-fiction, providing I can find some which is written in English.

    Lena is so pretty. I wish I was Lena, minus the rotting back, zombie sister, guilty conscience and alcoholic father…

    • lbellinlondon July 31, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

      Me too! She’s so beaut. But yeah, the back rot would have to go. I would also never sleep with Serge or let him put nettles on my wound.

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