Reasons To Be Cheerful #50: Men On The Prowl

10 Sep

In my fairly extensive experience of being a member of the fairer sex, I have had the great pleasure (irritation) of being approached by a series of invariably ineligible men on the street, on public transport and in the office. But that’s just a lady’s life and god knows that we love the attention. After all, what says flattery more than a poorly thought out chat-up line? Here are my reasons to be cheerful.

1. Tactics

"Whistle and you'll get her attention!"

“Whistle and you’ll get her attention!”

I appreciate a bit of effort as much as the next, and I know that when a man goes that extra mile to try and impress me, he’s doing it because he really really respects me. Take last week when my friend and I were approached at our pub table by a man asking if he could sit with us. I rudely told him he could do what he wanted as we were going outside anyway, so imagine my embarrassment when I realised that he was in fact with his boyfriend. This led to some overcompensating on my part and the result that my friend and I found ourselves being chatted up by two apparently gay men. Never before have I felt so desirable as when this straight man (drunk and old) faked homosexuality to try and get into my pants.

2. Chat Up Lines

Yes please

Yes please

As a general rule chat-up lines don’t get much love. They’ve been designated to the bin of cheese, the one that contains lines like ‘did it hurt when you fell…. from heaven?’ and that one about your dad being a thief cos your eyes are diamonds or some such trifle. But at least they give us a laugh, right? Like when a man in a car asked for directions:

Me: “where to?”

Him: “your pants”

Sheer brilliance, no?

3. They Show You That Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number

age quote

(That may or may not denote a perversion)

The Clarks advertising team said you should act your shoe size, not your age and although – going by the ads – this seemed like a lot of fun, it was also fraught with impracticalities. How is a six-year-old to manage a job and a mortgage? It was boring considerations like these that prevented many people from heeding Clark’s life-affirming words. But there was a small, yet significant segment of the population that did choose to dumb it down. I’m talking about the men who apparently don’t see age; the ones that feel it’s absolutely fine to leer, lech, heckle and ask for your number, even though they’re clearly older than your dad. That confidence is H.O.T.

4. The Determination

In films, if someone is really determined to ‘make you his’ and acts in a way that is tantamount to harassment, it is seen as romantic dedication to the cause of love. So if someone follows you up the street despite your protestations that you are not interested, you should feel flattered. Similarly, if a man mutters creepy complimentary remarks about you to your boyfriend while standing behind the two of you, well it’s probably time to say out with the old and in with the new… Gretna Green here we come.

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Always thinking of a good putdown after it’s too late)

 

 

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2 Responses to “Reasons To Be Cheerful #50: Men On The Prowl”

  1. **Small Town Girl** September 10, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

    Great and amusing post!

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