Reasons To Be Cheerful #53: Recruitment People

2 Oct

handshake

In my lengthy dealings with the people who call themselves ‘recruitment consultants’, it has become increasingly apparent that the potential bridge between me and my dream job is – to be quite frank – formed from a barage of idiots and liars.

They join the salespeople, the taxmen and the estate agents in that special low place at the bottom of the general (self-respecting) public’s esteem. They speak in jargon, perpetuate bullshit and are generally bad for the soul, but as I’ve always said, noone’s all rotten. Even Mussolini had his good points I’m sure. So let’s dig deep for the reccies…

'Please don't expect to hear from me again'

‘Please don’t expect to hear from me again’

1. They’re Good at Getting Back To You

Say what you want about recruitment people, but if they like your CV they will call you as soon as they’ve seen it. I like to see the subsequent interrogations – in the disabled loo, always during work hours – as a good 20 minutes of interview practice. I mean, there’s no use getting annoyed just cos they asked you questions instead of actually reading your CV, before failing to ever contact you again.

2. They Know Their Shit

Being told that I ‘sound like a social media whizz’ by a recruitment person who’s not even on Twitter, but who is calling me about a marketing job, well there’s no compliment quite like it. And when she follows her informed comments with an emailed person specification that fails to match me on a multitude of levels, well that’s even better.

3. They Say What They Mean and They Mean What They Say

When a recruitment worker says, under no duress, ‘I’ll send you an email this afternoon’ you just need to know that ‘this afternoon’ roughly translates to ‘the 12th of Never‘. And when they say ‘you’re a perfect fit for this role’ you just need to know that what that means is ‘you’ll never hear from me again‘. It really is that simple.

4. If They Can’t Help You They Know Someone Who Can

Sometimes – admittedly occasionally – recruiters admit on the phone that X or Y job isn’t right for you. Clearly this is a questionable strategy as compared to the usual strategy of straight lies, but us jobhunters can take it. Anyway, when this unusual turn of events does occur, it often turns out that recruiter’s colleague has many more roles that are right up your street. They’ll be passing your details on. Expect a call soon (see point 3).

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: How can there always be recruitment positions when there are no other jobs?)

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2 Responses to “Reasons To Be Cheerful #53: Recruitment People”

  1. 62andoutofwork October 2, 2013 at 5:56 pm #

    In some ways, though, the fact that they’re idiots can actually help you. I’ve landed a couple of jobs – the kind I wouldn’t have hired myself for – from recruiters who have no idea of what I do or what’s needed for the job. And, these jobs have been for significant money! I learned new skills, did a great job for the company, and added to my resume.

    Unfortunately, they’re not so good when you’re trying for a job you really would be a good fit for.

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