Reasons To Be Cheerful #57: Halloween

31 Oct

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All Hallow’s Eve. Derided as ‘American’ by my mum, but appreciated by everyone else who likes to get dressed up and drunk at the same time. The origins of this October tradition are either lost are never known to most, but what do we care? There are sweets, bats, scary films and flashing red horns to think about. Not to mention the barage of dressed-up dogs, pumpkin foodstuffs and egg-throwing possibilities (that one’s for the teenagers, obviously). Here’s a spooky selection for you:

1. The Dressing Up

It’s a sad fact that since the early noughties, trends like the wonderbra and corsets have been relocated to the fashion wilderness. How are we meant to show off our womanly curves, our ‘assets’ if you will; now that it’s just not cool to be able to stick a pencil between your tits? Thankfully, there’s still Halloween. What other time of year can you put the word ‘sexy’ in front of any animal or supernatural creature and call it a ‘costume’?

Next year: sexy skunk

Next year: sexy skunk

2. The Food

I love pumpkins. I like to carve them and to eat them. I’d like to say I enjoy cooking with them, but that one’s still on the to-do list. And if pumpkins aren’t your thing, you’re hardly missing out. Halloween after all, is all about the SWEETS. (Trick or) treats covered with fake blood, mushy eyeballs and – if you go to fancy pop-up dos like me – extraordinary cakes that resemble rotting fingers, faeces and mouths of krakens. It’s definitely an appropriate time to stuff yourself; unless you’re pulling yourself into a sexy catsuit.

RIP... in my stomach?

RIP… in my stomach?

3. The Taking it Too Far

This year in Oklahoma, one funny guy decorated his drive with fairly realistic (from a distance) dead bodies. Some people thought that the creative Mr Mullins was taking it a step too far and called 911. But what’s life if you can’t cross a few boundaries? That’s probably what Jimmy Saville thought, and there’s another bone of contention. The hordes of shell suited, silver haired revellers roaming the streets this time last year caused a few people to call out bad taste, but I think most people just laughed. Then there’s the blackface. When is this ok? Is it ever? I have it from a good source that as long as you get a picture (whilst in blackface) of a real-life black person standing with their arm around you, you’re good to go.

L'il Wayne + Wayne's World = this

Next best thing is a picture of a real-life black person

Doing it for the kids

Doing it for the kids

4. Facepaint

The nostalgia of childhood; fairs where your face was painted like a tiger or a butterfly, the gentle rash that came after.. Ah it’s nice to  hark back. But alas, there’s another great bonus to facepaint and that is its sheer anonymity. If you go far enough even people that know you well won’t recognise you, and let’s be honest, sometimes that’s a good thing. Avoid all the annoying people that you’re forced to hang out with by turning your face into an elaborate Joker (Heath Ledger style) and enjoy your night.

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: So many sexy devils)

Classy. Of course

Classy. Of course

 

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