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Reasons To Be Cheerful #5: The North South Divide

2 Apr

north south divide

Based on a life spent in the south and a fair few trips to Manchester (plus several singular trips to Edinburgh, Newcastle, Glasgow, Yorkshire), I have formed an entirely qualitative understanding of what is generally termed the north-south divide. And I like it. Here is why:

1. Both sides get to win

While we southern fairies are smug about our better job prospects and less abrasive accents, those hailing from up north are content in the knowledge that southerners don’t even know the meaning of hardship, not to mention the fact that you can actually get a cheap pint.

2. We can all learn something from each other

Who knew that less than three hours on the train could be tantamount to a social awakening!? Yes southerners, you can talk to strangers without being a rapist/paedophile. And northerners, if you’re in a bad mood and not feeling inclined to respond to the smiles of strangers, simply do as Londoners do and put your head down, moody face on and walk like you’re the only one on the pavement.

3. It helps us to feel like a bigger country

We are all feeling the strain of post-Empire blues, though most of us don’t know it. Why else do we like to lord it over ‘young’ America so much? (but it is true, they have NO HISTORY). The north-south divide means we can show the geographically larger nations that size is not all. There are plenty of cultural and regional divisions here, thankyou very much!

4. It shows us two ways to do glamour

Now I’m not saying that everyone north of Birmingham is a WAG, but there is no denying that the make-up gets denser as you move up the the compass. When in Manchester I often feel like my barely painted face is looked upon with pity by girls adept in the Kardashian school of cosmetics. It’s not better, just… different.

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF:¬†Everyone loses on weather.¬†Despite oft-heard protestations that the south is sunnier, let’s just be honest and acknowledge that all of the weather in Britain is shit).