Tag Archives: chris brown

Reasons To Be Cheerful #32: Music Videos

22 May

When I was a teenager, everyday after school I got home and turned on MTV Base to watch the R&B videos of the day. There was lots of Tweet singing about ‘loving herself’ and Nelly getting hot in hurrr. But I guess music’s just not what it used to be. These days I indulge in a music video only occasionally, but when I do, I go to town. I’m talking entire hungover days (that’s approx 4pm-10pm). Here are some reasons to be cheerful about them:

1. The Fitties

Music vids are undoubtedly full of fitties. Whole armies of them in fact. Men, women, singers, dancers, frame-fillers – they’re all horrendously good-looking. Some are even naked. But weirdly enough, it’s nearly always the women that are naked. This is nothing new, it’s practically a standard – not even practically, just is. Just look at Pharrell’s latest video (and oldest actually). It would be weird for women to be wearing clothes in these. Or another favourite of mine, Pitbull.  There’s nothing quite like seeing a man that looks like your pervy uncle being pawed by topless women. What glass ceiling?

No, let ME have him!

No, let ME have him!

**This is the tame version! It’s all Youtube would allow. For full effect just visualise the girls without tops.

2. The Variation

Now and then an original music video comes along; normally by someone like MIA or artists you’ve never even heard of like Bingo Players (see below). But most of the time diversity is just not a watchword for popstars. Nicki Minaj? She’s in a wig and not much else. Taylor Swift? Boring narrative about whichever famous male she’s just dumped so she can write a song about him. Guetta? He’s at a beach/some kind of Ibiza party DJing, obvs. Any male hiphop artist? Why, he’s somewhere surrounded by boobs and cars. But we’ve already covered that.


3. Celeb Appearances

These days you’re noone unless Pharrell Williams is in your video. Or maybe Kanye West, who also likes to do a little cameo. I like these celeb cameos because you get to see who’s mates with who in celebsville. It can be quite depressing though. Everyone and his mum’s boyfriend turn up in Chris Brown’s videos. Cheers for the solidarity.

Spot  Pharrell, Diddy, Bow Wow, T-Pain, Nelly and Timbaland.

4. Air Brushing

Airbrushing is everywhere these days. Forget the celebdom, just scrawl to your more annoying Facebook friends – you know the ones with all the selfies – and tell me honestly that there’s not been some rudimentary Photoshopping. Never-the-less, for me noone does airbrushing quite like the music video. And after all, who needs ‘features’ anyway?

It's Britney bitch

It’s Britney bitch

Breathe? Through plastic (this is Blu Cantrell in case you've forgotten)

Breathe? Through a plastic face? (this is Blu Cantrell in case you’ve forgotten)

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Noone goes to the videoshop just to rent out Thriller anymore. The magic of MTV is no more).


Reasons To Be Cheerful #28: Rihanna’s Hair

8 May

If there ever was a true chameleon among the collective follicles of the stars, it would have to be Rihanna’s. Today we see her sporting long golden locks where yesterday it was a pixie cut, and all without a glimpse of the sticky extension attachments. Is there then, hope for us all? Probably not – most of us don’t have Rihanna’s face or hair stylist, but that’s no reason not to appreciate them. Some reasons for cheeriness:

1. It Doesn’t Give A Shit

Rihanna’s hair doesn’t pretend to be real. It doesn’t work to the conventions of hair growth (fake or authentic). Rather it gains 10 inches overnight without so much as an apology. I strongly suspect that the public has seen neither hide nor hair (unintended) of Beyonce’s real locks for some years now, but you don’t see her admitting it with dramatic length change. Hail not giving a fuck.

Personal fave

From this…

To this

To this

2. It Works In Any Colour

Trashy blonde, bright red, caramel, brown, black. Whatever, they’re all working. Even when the hair is obvious wig it still looks bangin’.


3. It’s A Key Trend Predictor

Remember when Riri first went red? One week later and about 80% of black girls and 40% of all other girls had suddenly developed a taste for the brash hue. Poor man’s Rihanna, Rita Ora also broke out on the scene around the time of Rihanna’s trailer trash phase with copycat hair. Since then she’s been stuck on blonde while Jay Z’s protegee number one has seen more wigs than hot dinners. The hair just knows.

Blonde ambition

Blonde ambition

4. It Doesn’t Do ‘Off Days’

I have yet to see Rihanna’s hair looking unkempt. Granted its had dodgier days – earlier R&B princess and short asymmetric weren’t favourites of mine – but it’s always had purpose. Who else’s hair can say that? Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow’s, but who wants to write about a bore-off?

Pre-naked Instagram phase

Remember sweet Rihanna?

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: The way Rihanna lets her hair down by sleeping with Chris Brown)

THIS hair???

THIS hair???