Tag Archives: funny

Reasons To Be Cheerful #67: Cats in Ads

27 May

Just the other day I was tolerating the adverts during a break of some highbrow show like Made In Chelsea when my significant other commented, quite astutely, that cats are used to sell everything. I replied with the astute and potentially groundbreaking assertion ‘sex sells and cats are currency’. I tested out the popularity of this original aphorism by sharing it on facebook. It got 2 likes, but that’s a story for another day. The point is, cats are not just tools to gain more Youtube views, they are actual living, breathing, fluffy marketing tools for admen and I for one, welcome this wholeheartedly. Here are my reasons to be cheerful…

1. They Get to be Even Wilier Than Usual

Cats are pretty gaddamned wily. It’s what they’re known for. They play with your emotions and use their paws to get in the fridge if they can smell chicken. But in adworld, this is not enough to represent the feline species’ clear intellectual dominion over us. That’s why we get cats with opposable thumbs (Cravendale), talking cats (O2) and even cats that play the accordion (Crusha). What’s not to love?

2. They Don’t Need Sex to Sell Stuff

When I’m not enjoying a cat advert or being harassed by one that features a breathy idiot doing an inane cover of a once-great song, I seem to be watching Nichole Scherzinger do her best not to Scherzizz all over herself as she over-enjoys a yoghurt or shampooing session. I don’t need this in my life. I also do not appreciate whichever advertising guru decided that eating a low fat yoghurt was tantamount to enjoying an orgy. But, I digress. This is reasons to be cheerful and the great thing about cats is that they transcend sexiness. They just don’t need to try, which is more than I can say for some people…

Real cats don't need PVC

Real cats don’t need PVC

3. Cats are Natural Stars

Anyone that knows cats knows what natural superstars they are. The limelight just shines on them in a way that it doesn’t for most animals. And no wonder: these animals are just like Kate Moss – they go out at night, they avoid attention whilst effortlessly attracting it and they slink. All of these qualities plus their good looks make cats obvious icons of the screen. Even when the campaign claims to be about dogs (O2’s be more dog), who fronts the ads? Why, cats of course.

 

4. CRUSHA

There’s really no need to use words to explain this one. Just watch the clip.

 

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: ‘Mullerlicious’)

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Reasons to be Cheerful #63: Pancake Day

4 Mar

simpsons moving

Shrove Tuesday, much like Easter and Christmas is one of the predominant reasons that I am glad to live in a Christian (kind of) country. Much as the ideas of forgiveness and loving thy neighbour (obvs depending on fitness) appeal to me, neither of them really go with a lemon and sugar topping. So on today, holiest of days (well, in the top five anyway), I would like to share my reasons to be cheerful.

1. Pudding For Dinner

As someone who likes to prioritise stomach space by eating sweet before savoury, the one day of a year that elevates the best bit of dinner (aka the pudding) to the top of the pile is one that chimes well with me. And anyway, eggs and flour are pretty savoury so actually, a pancake covered in nutella, banana and ice-cream is just like dinner and dessert in one.

A well-rounded meal

A well-rounded meal

2. Let’s You be Quasi-Religious

For all the spiritually-curious who can’t or won’t commit, events like pancake day and the subsequent month of Lent are the perfect opportunity to broach the religious path with a non-too distant endpoint in sight. Stuff yourself silly, give up chocolate/bread/fags for a month and then when you decide that God’s not for you, noone will judge (or care). So much easier than reading the bible. And you don’t have to get up early on a Sunday.

For the love of Jesus?

For the love of Jesus?

3. It’s a Great Excuse For a Diet

Personally, I don’t go for the fad style of diet, but I think it’s fair to say that that statement either makes me a liar or a member of another minority. What I do know, is that wanting to be a size 10/8/zero isn’t enough motivation for most non-pro-ana people and this is why Mondays, new years, imminent meetings with exes and Lent are all popular diet starting points. I’m pretty sure that the original aim of Lent wasn’t to achieve a flat stomach through the self-denial of carbs, but whatever. If it works, it works.

4. Pancake Making is So Much Easier than Proper Baking

Before people start griping, I am aware that frying a pancake is not baking, but I’m going to go ahead and conflate cakes with pancakes anyway. They both include the word ‘cake’ and they both include flour and eggs. What more do you want? Anyway, the point is that baking a cake is hard. Even though Mary Berry is a great inspiration, her haloed and snazzy-jacketed image alone does not negate the bloody complicatedness of doing a cake from scratch. Pancakes though, are easy. They don’t even need to look nice. Rustic works as well as the next. Just drizzle a bit of chocolate a la Jamie Oliver and you’re basically a pro.

God in a Zara jacket

God in a Zara jacket

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Lent)

Reasons To Be Cheerful #13: The Kardashians

12 Apr

I don’t know about you, but I love a fame whore. And a whole family of them? Well it just doesn’t get any better than that.

For me, it’s not about having a favourite. I only feel warmth towards Khloe*, Bruce* and Lamaar*, but warmth is not  equable to entertainment. See Kris for lessons in this. Anyway, I’m waffling, here are my reasons to be cheerful:

*A family tree for the less Kardashian knowledgeable readers

1. The ‘Glamour’

DASH

Class personified

You can always look to Kim et al for a lesson in glamorous. As joint owners of classy retail venture Dash (thats KarDASHian – took me a few weeks to figure this one out), sisters Kim, Kourt and Khloe lead the fashion pack. What’s more, they know that you never leave your foundation, highlighter, eyeliner, mascara, blusher or fake tan behind. Only the basics.

2. Scott Disick’s Style

Super Saturday 13 to Benefit Ovarian Cancer Research Fund - Arrivals

Scott’s hair has changed recently and this upsets me. I miss the fabulous slicked back look that he has sported for God knows how many years, and it is this style that we will celebrate. Scott’s gelled barnet is commonly accompanied by excessive fake tan, an open necked shirt and some good (if not tasteful) tailoring. I always fancy that he sees himself as an updated Christian Bale in American Psycho. And he certainly pulls something off.

scott disick bale wannabe

American Psycho

Kardashians - american psycho

American Wannabe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Kris Jenner Is Not Your Mother

Supermomager

Supermomager

Oh Kris, you are the matriarch of the show, the reason that many people probably now think it’s OK to spell Chloe Khloe, and a great, if guilty, viewing pleasure. But I am so glad we are not related. As manager and mom to her kids, the path for fame was set from birth. It’s pretty fortunate that all the sisters look good in a bikini, because that’s the kind of outfit that Kris likes to manage them into. As for fat Rob, well, he doesn’t count. He couldn’t wear a bikini anyway.

4. The Christmas Cards

This needs no words, just look at the pictures:

White Christmas

White Christmas

Leather Christmas

Leather Christmas

Beach casual Christmas

Beach casual Christmas

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Kourtney’s choice of child names failed to continue in the K family line. Surely Kim and Kanye’s kids are a dead cert)