Tag Archives: kate moss

Reasons To Be Cheerful #67: Cats in Ads

27 May

Just the other day I was tolerating the adverts during a break of some highbrow show like Made In Chelsea when my significant other commented, quite astutely, that cats are used to sell everything. I replied with the astute and potentially groundbreaking assertion ‘sex sells and cats are currency’. I tested out the popularity of this original aphorism by sharing it on facebook. It got 2 likes, but that’s a story for another day. The point is, cats are not just tools to gain more Youtube views, they are actual living, breathing, fluffy marketing tools for admen and I for one, welcome this wholeheartedly. Here are my reasons to be cheerful…

1. They Get to be Even Wilier Than Usual

Cats are pretty gaddamned wily. It’s what they’re known for. They play with your emotions and use their paws to get in the fridge if they can smell chicken. But in adworld, this is not enough to represent the feline species’ clear intellectual dominion over us. That’s why we get cats with opposable thumbs (Cravendale), talking cats (O2) and even cats that play the accordion (Crusha). What’s not to love?

2. They Don’t Need Sex to Sell Stuff

When I’m not enjoying a cat advert or being harassed by one that features a breathy idiot doing an inane cover of a once-great song, I seem to be watching Nichole Scherzinger do her best not to Scherzizz all over herself as she over-enjoys a yoghurt or shampooing session. I don’t need this in my life. I also do not appreciate whichever advertising guru decided that eating a low fat yoghurt was tantamount to enjoying an orgy. But, I digress. This is reasons to be cheerful and the great thing about cats is that they transcend sexiness. They just don’t need to try, which is more than I can say for some people…

Real cats don't need PVC

Real cats don’t need PVC

3. Cats are Natural Stars

Anyone that knows cats knows what natural superstars they are. The limelight just shines on them in a way that it doesn’t for most animals. And no wonder: these animals are just like Kate Moss – they go out at night, they avoid attention whilst effortlessly attracting it and they slink. All of these qualities plus their good looks make cats obvious icons of the screen. Even when the campaign claims to be about dogs (O2’s be more dog), who fronts the ads? Why, cats of course.

 

4. CRUSHA

There’s really no need to use words to explain this one. Just watch the clip.

 

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: ‘Mullerlicious’)

Reasons To Be Cheerful #43: The Fashion Pack

8 Aug

cara alone

For every generation there’s at least one fash pack that rules the roost. At present, it just so happens to be that of gurning party girl Cara Delevingne. But Caz is not the first and nor will she be the last. She’s one member of an ongoing succession of Balenciaga-clad cliques that louche and lounge about in lives that eschew 9-5 dulldom for mild eating disorders and fabulous footwear. Not that I’m jealous or anything. Here’s a divvying up of types and a few reasons to be cheerful:

1. The Young + Hot Pack

When in Zoolander, Mugatu proclaimed ‘Hansel, so hot right now’ he knew what he was talking about. But Hansel is so 2001. 2013 is for Cara Delevigne, Georgia Jagger, Pixie Geldof, Rihanna, Olivia Palermo, Alexa Chung and co. Sorry, Rita Ora, you’re not on the list. The young, hot things are the 21st century equivalent of the 1920s bright, young things. Just without the literature. But, hey, what’s a girl to do? When life is one long party, there’s not much for it but to look good in a shorts suit and this lot have got it down pat.

Oh, and Suki Waterhouse. Obvs they're all VERY different

Oh, and Suki Waterhouse. Obvs they’re all VERY different

2. Old School Cool Pack

To growing old cocaine free??

To growing old cocaine free??

This one’s for the post-teen generation and it’s led by none other than La Moss -obviously. Apart from the fact that she looks better than 99% of the population in ballet flats and skinny jeans while sporting lank hair (admit it), she continues to march ahead of her younger imitators through sheer aloofness. You won’t catch Kate gurning it up in an online cooking show. Unlike Jourdan Dunn and CDV, Kate knows better than to pretend that she eats actual meals.

Other members include Sadie Frost, Pearl Lowe, Liberty Ross, Stella McCartney 

3. The Play It Safe Pack

Gwy goes for edge with a bit of side boob

Gwyn goes for edge with a bit of side boob

This one’s for your Gwynnies, Anistons Kate Winslets and Selena Gomezs/Gomezezes (?). Yes, you might always look lovely: preened, groomed, perfectly blow-dried and exhibiting a healthy glow that is probably part-bottle and part real sun; but you’re so….. safe. These ladies would never dream of branching out unless it’s a case of going a little too sheer in the pursuit of ‘edge’. You can expect repeats of the outfit that ‘works’ – the silhouette dress, the skinny jeans and silk top with nude stilettos, the delicately-placed and highly inoffensive necklace. It all just makes you want to vomit from boredom, doesn’t it?

4. The Avant Garde Pack

Yes Tilda!

Yes Tilda!

This pack’s a little smaller than the previous three. In fact, I can only think of three truly worth a mention, so I guess it’s a trio. There’s Lady Gaga – she wore a steak. Then there’s Nicki Minaj, who while essentially being a t+a* show (of which I don’t approve), is undeniably kooky, and in possession of more wigs than your average ethnic hair shop. And last, but certainly not least, is Tilda Swinton. She accomplishes the fait accompli of pulling off avant garde with her classiness intact: all androgyny and sexiness and sharp tailoring. She’s also never subjected us to duos with Chris Brown or naked selfies where she pretends not to be wearing make-up.

*c’maaaan, it’s tits and arse!

Naomi, all is forgiven (maybe not by your assistant doe)

Naomi, all is forgiven (although I can’t speak for your assistant)

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: The 90s supermodels are no longer a unified pack)

 

Reasons To Be Cheerful #5: The North South Divide

2 Apr

north south divide

Based on a life spent in the south and a fair few trips to Manchester (plus several singular trips to Edinburgh, Newcastle, Glasgow, Yorkshire), I have formed an entirely qualitative understanding of what is generally termed the north-south divide. And I like it. Here is why:

1. Both sides get to win

While we southern fairies are smug about our better job prospects and less abrasive accents, those hailing from up north are content in the knowledge that southerners don’t even know the meaning of hardship, not to mention the fact that you can actually get a cheap pint.

2. We can all learn something from each other

Who knew that less than three hours on the train could be tantamount to a social awakening!? Yes southerners, you can talk to strangers without being a rapist/paedophile. And northerners, if you’re in a bad mood and not feeling inclined to respond to the smiles of strangers, simply do as Londoners do and put your head down, moody face on and walk like you’re the only one on the pavement.

3. It helps us to feel like a bigger country

We are all feeling the strain of post-Empire blues, though most of us don’t know it. Why else do we like to lord it over ‘young’ America so much? (but it is true, they have NO HISTORY). The north-south divide means we can show the geographically larger nations that size is not all. There are plenty of cultural and regional divisions here, thankyou very much!

4. It shows us two ways to do glamour

Now I’m not saying that everyone north of Birmingham is a WAG, but there is no denying that the make-up gets denser as you move up the the compass. When in Manchester I often feel like my barely painted face is looked upon with pity by girls adept in the Kardashian school of cosmetics. It’s not better, just… different.

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Everyone loses on weather. Despite oft-heard protestations that the south is sunnier, let’s just be honest and acknowledge that all of the weather in Britain is shit).