Tag Archives: kim kardashian

Reasons To Be Cheerful #65: The Hashtag

23 Apr

necklace main

In this wonderful modern age of social media where narcissism and unashamed showing off are happily encouraged, nay facilitated, by a whole range of platforms, the hashtag is a welcome break. With a fair few exceptions (#nofilter springs to mind), this faceless international treasure is just as comfortable sitting next to arabspring as it is to 4dayweekend. So let’s celebrate this modern beacon of shortcuts with a blog post from #r2bc.

1. They Encourage Wit

Hashtags bring out the best in people. They help those of us not naturally gifted with effortless funnies to dig deep within ourselves for a part-word, part-acronym to attach to a #. They encourage accidental moments of genius like #susanalbumparty. The person who came up with that one probably didn’t even know that s/he was a comedic riproarer.

#Getinvolved

#Getinvolved

2. They Enhance Celebration Days

Today is St Georges Day, or as Twitter would have it, #stgeorgesday. To some of you, this celebration might seem like a day reserved for NF thugs and the kind of people who fly mini England flags from their car, but on Twitter, it’s for everyone. People used to say, there’s no Christmas without a tree or there’s no Easter without Jesus, but come 2014 there’ll be saying there’s no Christmas without a hashtag. #merryxmaseveryone

Making it mean more via @SantaC

Making it mean more via @SantaC

3. #PeopleNotQuiteGettingIt Right

One of the beautiful things about the normally tech-averse getting involved in social media is that they tend to get it wrong. Take the friend of a friend who affixed #open your eyes to one of his statuses, or the people with no sense of the concise. Like Vogue. The month that Vogue lost its head and featured Kimye on its cover was also the month that it plastered this along the front page  #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple.

The hair has begun to sap the magazine's life force

It was inevitable that the hair would sap the magazine’s life force eventually

4. Sticking it To The Man

There are not many things quite so satisfying as when a corporate giant – assured of its marvellous customer relations – takes to Twitter to stir up some positive affirmation only to find themselves stirring up shit instead. Take British Gas.They took to Twitter last year with #askBG,  only to be rewarded with salient questions like, is it cheaper for me to burn £20 notes than put the heating on this winter? Or Maccy Ds who, in search of some touching tales of finding lost puppies in the straw dispenser, initiated #McDStories. Here’s a McDStory: a woman is accused of offering sexual favours in the drive-through lane in exchange for McNuggets. Warms the heart…

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF:  #DancePonyDance)

You are NOT Stevie Nicks

Fuck off, pony

 

Reasons To Be Cheerful #59: The Selfie

19 Nov

kim k

If anyone wasn’t quite sure whether or not ‘selfie’ had yet fully planted itself into the public’s consciousness, then today’s news ought to settle the question. As ‘selfie’ is proudly proclaimed the Oxford Dictionaries word of the year, we can know with confidence that here is a word to stay, just like omnishambles before it. So, on this special day, I would like to take the time to give thanks to the selfie and to explore (briefly) the ways in which it has made us cheerful.

1. It’s Allowed Us to Show Our Fun Sides

Some bitter and unattractive people would have us believe that selfies are the reserve of a narcissistic society, so wrapped up in its own mirror image that it forgets to care about real problems. But what would those people know? Maybe they haven’t heard of Cara Delivingne. This confirmed queen of the goofy or ‘bonkers‘ selfie shows us that even beautiful people are willing to look silly sometimes. What a brave statement. 

Filters let us know that you're not actually ugly

Filters let us know that you’re not actually ugly

2. It’s Helped Us Show Off Our Natural Looks

Sometimes a world of lighting and fakery and Touche d’eclat just becomes too much, doesn’t it? Sometimes you just want to show the world your real face. The real you. That’s when #nofilter comes in really handy. If you’ve been vaguely interested in social media and celebrity this year (and if not, I’m not sure why you’re reading this), you’ll be aware of the make-up free selfie craze. The one that lets celebs show us that they’re not afraid to be seen in all their natural, barefaced glory. See below for how to do it like a pro.

Use the bikini distraction technique

Use the bikini distraction technique

Ignore the #nofiter rule and use a bit of optical illusion

Ignore the #nofiter rule and go for a bit of optical illusion

Make sure you're naturally pretty

But most importantly, be naturally good looking 

3. It Helps You Keep The World Posted On Your Actions

Facebook statuses have gone a long way in the battle against mystery. Thanks to FB we no longer have to guess at what our old uni chums are up to or where they’re at. It’s all there for us to see on the old newsfeed, tagged by name, place and date. The addition of a selfie works to bring an extra dimension to these happy tidbits. A feast for the eyes if you will. After all, it is such a tease to tell your friends you’re at Starbucks enjoying a gingerbread latte. You just know they’re aching to see and hopefully ‘like’  a cheeky sidealong of your big eyes peering over the top of the festive cup.

coffee selfie

Sexy works just as well

 

4. It Kept ‘Twerk’ Off The Top Spot

Though it rose to the top in the end, ‘selfie’ faced some stiff competition from ‘twerk’ in the Oxford Dictionaries word of the year 2013. I’d just like to take this moment to thank the Oxford Dictionaries team for choosing not to add more fuel to the fire of Ms Cyrus’s publicity bonfire. It’s really high time that the media stopped encouraging her fake rebellion and left her and her army of giant teddybears to twerk in peace.

Cos I don't want to give Miley any more attention

Cos I don’t want to give Miley any more attention

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Omnishambles appears to have had its day)

 

 

Reasons To Be Cheerful #55: The Baby Weight Boom

15 Oct

main

Lately, it would seem that I cannot glance at a magazine rack or open up the sidebar of shame without being confronted, within milliseconds, by every woman’s greatest foe: BABY WEIGHT. I didn’t know this was my greatest foe until the magazines told me so. I have not got a baby, nor do I plan to be in possession of one anytime soon. And yet, I have definitely had very strong visions of doing a Davina workout in my future lounge while future baby sleeps. What kind of a world is it, where the media has me imagining: a) an actual baby and b) a Davina McCall DVD workout in a sitting room that I don’t even have yet?! THESE ARE NOT ASPIRATIONS. But, as ever, I strive for the silver lining, the positive side of things, the reasons to be cheerful (nice link, no?)

Look at the bump, THE BUMP

Look at the bump, THE BUMP

1. At Least You’re Not Kim Kardashian

Followers of this blog will be aware of my continuing bemusement and – let’s be honest – adoration of, the Kardashian klan. And though the face and front of the family, Kim has never been my fave, I certainly wouldn’t turn down a day in her life. That is, until the baby saga. I’m not going to go so far as to offer heartfelt sympathies to a woman who, having made her name from her body, is now facing harsh judgement over very same body… but I do feel for her. A quick google on KK reveals an intense obsession with her body post-North West (that’s the babby). And what’s worse, most of it is in that falsely sympathetic but hugely patronising tone that says stuff like: ‘brave Kim flaunts her curves’ and ‘Well on her way! Kim Kardashian displays svelte post-baby physique’. I’d rather continue to languish in obscurity and live my life vicariously through thinner celebs like Miranda Kerr. Cheers.

Women really need to look at the repercussions of childbirth

The frightening repercussions of childbirth

2. You Don’t Have to Be Nice to Pregnant People

Despite oft-hearing the grievances of pregnant and elderly people who claim to have been ignored on public transport, it’s not rare for me to see well-meaning members of the public battle it out to be the better citizen through seat-giving. But now we know that the main concern on a pregnant woman’s mind is fitting back into her skinny jeans, maybe it would be kinder to allow her that stand for the extra calorie burn.

3. You Might Find a Grudging Respect For Pointless Celebrities

While it’s true that around 85% of celebdom draws nothing more from me than disdain and unintentional humour, every now and again there’s a surprise player that manages to turn my opinion round. Remember Jennifer Ellison? No? She of Brookside, Dancing on Ice, lads mags and tits fame has of late reined it in with the nakedness and had a couple of babies with her fella. She’s also become the champion of new mums unwilling to bow down to the pressure of squeezing back into their size 10s within a couple of weeks of giving birth. Go Jenny! Who knew that Nuts magazine’s former ‘world’s sexiest blonde’ would gain my approval? I’m sure she’s chuffed.

Clearly Jen was just jel of Jess

Clearly Jen was just jel of Jess

4. Apparently Having a Baby is Incredibly Lucrative

In my occasional ponderings on spawning a child, just under baby weight comes the major concern of money. Babies are not just time-consuming, they’re expensive. And that’s before you’ve even bought the designer babywear. But now I know that I’ve been looking at it ALL WRONG. To turn your baby expenditure around, simply appear on a reality show, maintain your public visibility with a few lad mags shoots and then get pregnant. As publicly as possible. Now you’re in place to get a lucrative mum and new baby deal and, more importantly, you can sign a contract to have your incredible post-baby body journey recorded in the pages of a classy title like Woman’s Own or Pick Me Up. Can you smell the cash yet?

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: No reality shows will have me)

 

 

Reasons To Be Cheerful #13: The Kardashians

12 Apr

I don’t know about you, but I love a fame whore. And a whole family of them? Well it just doesn’t get any better than that.

For me, it’s not about having a favourite. I only feel warmth towards Khloe*, Bruce* and Lamaar*, but warmth is not  equable to entertainment. See Kris for lessons in this. Anyway, I’m waffling, here are my reasons to be cheerful:

*A family tree for the less Kardashian knowledgeable readers

1. The ‘Glamour’

DASH

Class personified

You can always look to Kim et al for a lesson in glamorous. As joint owners of classy retail venture Dash (thats KarDASHian – took me a few weeks to figure this one out), sisters Kim, Kourt and Khloe lead the fashion pack. What’s more, they know that you never leave your foundation, highlighter, eyeliner, mascara, blusher or fake tan behind. Only the basics.

2. Scott Disick’s Style

Super Saturday 13 to Benefit Ovarian Cancer Research Fund - Arrivals

Scott’s hair has changed recently and this upsets me. I miss the fabulous slicked back look that he has sported for God knows how many years, and it is this style that we will celebrate. Scott’s gelled barnet is commonly accompanied by excessive fake tan, an open necked shirt and some good (if not tasteful) tailoring. I always fancy that he sees himself as an updated Christian Bale in American Psycho. And he certainly pulls something off.

scott disick bale wannabe

American Psycho

Kardashians - american psycho

American Wannabe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Kris Jenner Is Not Your Mother

Supermomager

Supermomager

Oh Kris, you are the matriarch of the show, the reason that many people probably now think it’s OK to spell Chloe Khloe, and a great, if guilty, viewing pleasure. But I am so glad we are not related. As manager and mom to her kids, the path for fame was set from birth. It’s pretty fortunate that all the sisters look good in a bikini, because that’s the kind of outfit that Kris likes to manage them into. As for fat Rob, well, he doesn’t count. He couldn’t wear a bikini anyway.

4. The Christmas Cards

This needs no words, just look at the pictures:

White Christmas

White Christmas

Leather Christmas

Leather Christmas

Beach casual Christmas

Beach casual Christmas

(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: Kourtney’s choice of child names failed to continue in the K family line. Surely Kim and Kanye’s kids are a dead cert)