Old zombie: so 2012
Anyone who knew what they were about on Sunday night (or who didn’t have anything better to do) will have been engaged – like myself – in the latest subtitled hit-to-be. Perhaps at this point you have no idea what I’m talking about, so I’ll move a little quicker. The Returned is a creepy French zombie drama that just started on Channel 4 and it has all the hype and makings of a Scando-esque hit. I watched it and was creeped out enough to need to turn to Boardwalk Empire for a less spooky bedtime watch. (On balance, a girl shooting herself after being slashed in the face wasn’t hugely calming, but I digress). Reasons to be cheerful then…
1. Creepy Kids
Beelzebub, is that you?
Anyone who appreciates a bit of fear in their viewing, appreciates the sheer incomparable cold shiver that a scary child sends up your spine. And in The Returned we have our very own Gallic Damien in the form of dear departed Victor. He is a grade A creepy kid. He’s definitely dead; it looks like he made that bus crush. We don’t even know his name. I’m also suspecting some kind of mind control, cos otherwise Doctor Julie – who took him in – is wayyy to stupid to have qualified in the medical profession.
2. The Surprise Factor
The Returned is being marketed as a zombie drama, but so far, asides from the fact that they’re dead, the zombies are not much like zombies we’ve seen before. They eat food (not counting human flesh), they walk with their hands swinging normally by their sides, they talk and they just seem – well, normal (except for the fact that they’ve apparently returned from the grave). When will they start chewing off their loved ones’ faces? Will it happen at all? Or maybe they’ll do something even worse. I JUST DON’T KNOW. And it makes it all the more tense and exciting.
3. Subtitles
On Twitter there were plenty of morons bemoaning the use of subtitles in this FRENCH drama. I really don’t know what to say to people who are this unerringly stupid, except maybe, just wait for the inevitable American remake. Or, please get off the internet. As a fan of Scando dramas like The Killing, I love subtitles in a sort of pompous and superior way. I think they lend credibility and they make you concentrate that much more. Does that make me sound like a prick? Probably, but at least I can read.
4. Twins
I just love twins and one of our ‘returned’ is Camille – one half of such a pair. She’s been dead for a few years now so her other twin is older. This really throws things off balance and brings up the weird quotient a few notches. If all the other zombies turn bad and start eating their families will Camille’s twin sense save her other sisterly half, Lena?
Dead or alive?
(REASONS TO BE PISSED OFF: The ad breaks. Just so so many)
Reasons to be Cheerful (and Pissed Off) 